‘F
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ocus, Radhika madam. Your feet are not matching the beat,’ Mickey, the choreographer, said to
me. Though he was ticking me off for the fifteenth time he had remarkable patience in his voice. In his
place, I would have slapped my student.
‘Neither do I have chittiyan kalaiyan in real life, nor can I do the steps for chittiyan kalaiyan,’ I
said.
He played the original song with Jacqueline Fernandes on the LED screen behind the stage.
My six cousins who had to dance with me had mastered each move down pat. I couldn’t keep up
beyond five steps.
I couldn’t hear the lyrics or Mickey’s instructions. I only heard the following in my ears:
Debu. Neel. Brijesh.
Debu. Neel. Brijesh.
I heard ‘I love yous’ in Debu’s and Neel’s voices. I heard Brijesh saying he wants to go
apartment-hunting in San Francisco. I heard Neel talking about the waiting plane. I imagined Debu’s
Bengali parents packing their bags along with their monkey caps and buying rasgulla tins for their
Goa trip.
Mickey paused and replayed the song for the sixteenth time.
‘One-two-three, Radhika madam, start,’ he said.
Chittiyan kalaiyan ve, o meri chittiyaan kalaiyan ve.
Chittiyan kalaiyan ve, o meri white kalaiyan ve.I tried to dance. The image of Neel making love to me on the Philippines island flashed in my
head. It switched to Debu and me sitting in our Tribeca apartment and watching TV together. I came
back to reality, and tried to remember the steps.
‘Madam, again you are missing the beat. What is happening? Cut, cut. Restart.’
Three more attempts for Radhika the wobbly-toed bride. Well, turns out I sucked at these
attempts too.
Finally, Mickey stopped the music.
‘Only Radhika ma’am now. Cousins, please leave stage,’ he said. He meant business. He
played the song again. I came to the middle of the stage. In the first stanza, I had to lift my wrists to my
face and move my eyes. Instead, I stood still. My legs felt weak. I dropped to my knees. I sank on to
the stage floor and burst into tears. I cried loud enough to make the choreographer come running to
me. He feared he would lose his job.