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Barry thought desperately to himself. I could say, “None of
the above interest me. Don’t call me—I’ll call you.” But he’s a
ranking officer in the singles class. He could jeopardize my rela-
tionships with others in the group. I wonder which class will be
the shortest?
“How about the one on prophecy?” Barry guessed. He was
wrong.
“Great! We’ll be studying end times for the next eighteen
months! See you Monday.” Ken walked off triumphantly.
Let’s take a look at what just happened. Barry avoided say-
ing no to Ken. At first glance, it looks like he made a choice for
obedience. He committed himself to a Bible study. That’s a
good thing, right? Absolutely.
But take a second look. What were Barry’s motives for not
saying no to Ken? What were the “thoughts and attitudes of the
heart” (Heb. 4:12)? Fear. Barry was afraid of Ken’s political
clout in the singles group. He feared that he would lose other
relationships if he disappointed Ken.
Why is this important? Because it illustrates a biblical prin-
ciple: an internal no nullifies an external yes. God is more con-
cerned with our hearts than he is with our outward compliance.
“For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God
rather than burnt offerings” (Hos. 6:6).
In other words, if we say yes to God or anyone else when we
really mean no, we move into a position of compliance. And that
is the same as lying. Our lips say yes, but our hearts (and often
our half-hearted actions) say no. Do you really think Barry will
finish out his year and a half with Ken’s Bible study? The odds
are that some priority will arise to sabotage Barry’s commitment,
and he’ll leave—but without telling Ken the real reason why.
Here’s a good way to look at this myth that boundaries are a
sign of disobedience: if we can’t say no, we can’t say yes. Why is
this? It has to do with our motivation to obey, to love, or to be
responsible. We must always say yes out of a heart of love. When
our motive is fear, we love not.
The Bible tells us how to be obedient: “Each of you must
give as you have made up your mind, not reluctantly or under
Boundaries