127Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neigh-
bor frankly so you will not share in his guilt. (Lev. 19:17)
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there
remember that your brother has something against you,
leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be
reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
(Matt. 5:23–24)
If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault,
just between the two of you. (Matt. 18:15)
These Scriptures show that a simple way to avoid triangula-
tion is to always talk to the person with whom you have a con-
flict first. Work it out with her, and only if she denies the
problem, talk to someone else to get insight about how to
resolve it, not to gossip and to bleed off anger. Then you both go
to talk to her together to try to solve the problem.
Never say to a third party something about someone that
you do not plan to say to the person himself.
Who’s the Child Here, Anyhow?
“Children should not have to save up for their parents, but
parents for their children” (2 Cor. 12:14).
Some people were born to take care of their parents. They
did not sign up for this duty; they inherited it. Today we call
these people “codependent.” Early in life they learned they
were responsible for their parents, who were stuck in childish
patterns of irresponsibility. When they became adults, they had
a difficult time setting boundaries between themselves and their
irresponsible parents. Every time they tried to have separate
lives, they felt selfish.
Indeed, the Bible teaches that adult children should take care
of their elderly parents. “Give proper recognition to those widows
who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grand-
children, these should learn first of all to put their religion into
practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their par-
ents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God” (1 Tim. 5:3–4).
Boundaries and Your Family