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over the critical person, which can almost never be done, or by
allowing the person to provoke them to anger. Some people
internalize the criticism and get down on themselves. All of
these reactions indicate an inability to stand apart from the crit-
ical person and keep one’s boundaries.
Allow these critical people to be who they are, but keep
yourself separate from them and do not internalize their opin-
ion of you. Make sure you have a more accurate appraisal of
yourself, and then disagree internally.
You may also want to confront the overly critical person
according to the biblical model (Matt. 18). At first tell her how
you feel about her attitude and the way it affects you. If she is
wise, she will listen to you. If not, and her attitude is disruptive
to others as well, two or more of you might want to talk to her.
If she will not agree to change, you may want to tell her that you
do not wish to talk with her until she gets her attitude under
control.
Or you can follow the company’s grievance policy. The
important thing to remember is that you can’t control her, but
you can choose to limit your exposure to her, either physically
or emotionally distancing yourself from her. This is self-control.
Avoid trying to gain the approval of this sort of person. It will
never work, and you will only feel controlled. And avoid getting
in arguments and discussions. You will never win. Remember
the proverb, “Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever
rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or
he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you” (Prov.
9:7–8). If you allow them to draw you in, thinking that you will
change them, you are asking them for trouble. Stay separate.
Keep your boundaries. Don’t get sucked into their game.
Problem #6: Conflicts with Authority
If you are having trouble getting along with your boss, you
may be having “transference feelings.” Transference is when you
experience feelings in the present that really belong to some
unfinished business in the past.
Boundaries