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community are not the support structures they once were,
people look to their colleagues for the emotional support a fam-
ily once provided. This lack of boundaries between the personal
and work life is fraught with all sorts of difficulties.
The workplace ideally should be supportive, safe, and nur-
turing. But this atmosphere should primarily support the
employee in work-related ways—to help her learn, improve,
and get a job done. The problem arises when someone wants
the job to provide what her parents did not provide for her: pri-
mary nurturing, relationship, self-esteem, and approval. Work is
not set up this way, nor is it what the typical job asks of some-
one. The inherent conflict in this set-up is this: The job expects
adult functioning, and the person wants childhood needs met.
These differing expectations will inevitably collide.
Health comes from owning unmet childhood needs and
working them out. The problem is that the workplace is not the
place to do that. There are expectations at work. They will ask
from you without giving because they are going to pay you for
your work. They are not obligated to provide all the emotional
support you need.
You need to make sure you are meeting your needs for sup-
port and emotional repair outside of work. Plug into supportive
and healing networks that will help you to grow out of your emo-
tional hurts and unmet needs, and build you up so you can func-
tion well at the job, in the adult world that has adult
expectations. Get your relationship needs met outside of work,
and then you will be able to work the best without getting your
needs mixed up with what the company needs from you. Keep
your boundaries firm; protect those hurt places from the work-
place, which is not only not set up to heal, but also may wound
unintentionally.
Problem #8: Taking Work-Related Stress Home
Just as we should keep good boundaries on our personal
issues and keep them out of the workplace, we need to keep
some boundaries on work and keep it out of the home. This gen-
erally has two components.
Boundaries