227of the main reasons it’s so difficult is because of boundary prob-
lems, which are essentially problems of responsibility. We do
not know who is responsible for what, where we end and some-
one else begins, where God ends and we begin. The Bible clar-
ifies those boundaries so that we can begin to see who should do
what in this labor of love.
Respecting Boundaries
We have personal boundaries, personal property lines, in our
relationship with God. God has designed the world so that
boundaries are to be respected. He respects ours, and we need
to respect his.
God respects our boundaries in many ways. First, he leaves
work for us to do that only we can do. And he allows us to expe-
rience the painful consequences of our behavior so that we will
change. He is not willing for any of us to perish and takes no
pleasure in our destruction (2 Peter 3:9; Ezek. 18:23), but he
wants us to change for our own good and his glory. It hurts him
deeply when we don’t. But at the same time, he does not rescue
us; he wants us to work it out for our own good. He will not vio-
late our wish to be left alone, although he will plead with us to
come back to him.
Second, he repects our no. He tries neither to control nor
nag us. He allows us to say no and go our way. Think of the para-
ble of the prodigal son, the story of the rich young ruler, or the
story of Joshua and his people. In all of these examples, God
gives a choice and allows the people involved to make up their
minds. When people say no, he allows it and keeps on loving
them. He is a giver. And one of the things he always gives is a
choice, but like a real giver, he also gives the consequences of
those choices. He respects boundaries.
Many people are not as honest as these biblical characters
were, however. The prodigal son was direct and honest: “I do
not want to do it your way. I’m going to do it my way.” We are
more often like the second son in the parable of the two sons in
the vineyard (Matt. 21:28–31). We say yes, but we act out no.
Boundaries and God