238Part of this process of healing is regaining our boundaries.
As we become like him, he is redeeming our boundaries and our
limits. He has defined who we are and what our limits are so that
he can bless us: “LORD, you have assigned me my portion and
my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have
fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inher-
itance” (Ps. 16:5–6).
But we are the ones who have to do battle. The battles fall into
two categories: outside resistance and inside resistance—the resis-
tance we get from others and the resistance we get from ourselves.
Outside Resistance
Julie had had a difficult time with boundaries most of her life.
As a child, she had a domineering father and a mother who con-
trolled her with guilt. She had been afraid to set boundaries with
some people because of their anger and with others because of
the guilt she would feel for “hurting them.” When she wanted to
make a decision for herself, she would listen to other people’s
anger or pouting and let their reactions affect her decision.
Coming out of this family, she married a very self-centered
man who controlled her with his anger. Throughout her adult
life, she alternated between being controlled by her husband’s
anger and by her mother’s guilt trips. She was unable to set lim-
its on anyone. After many years, depression caught up with her,
and she ended up in one of our hospitals.
After a number of weeks of therapy, she was beginning to
understand that she was miserable because she lacked bound-
aries. She finally decided to take a risk and set some limits with
her husband.
One day in a joint session with her therapist and her husband,
she confronted him. She returned to her support group in tears.
“How did it go?” one group member asked.
“Terrible. This boundary stuff doesn’t work,” she said.
“What do you mean?” the group therapist asked her.
“I told my husband that I was tired of being treated that way
and that I was not going to put up with it any more. He got
Boundaries