30
And when the good is on the outside, we need to open our
gates and “let it in.” Jesus speaks of this phenomenon in “receiv-
ing” him and his truth (Rev. 3:20; John 1:12). Other people have
good things to give us, and we need to “open up to them”
(2 Cor. 6:11–13). Often we will close our boundaries to good
things from others, staying in a state of deprivation.
In short, boundaries are not walls. The Bible does not say
that we are to be “walled off” from others; in fact, it says that we
are to be “one” with them (John 17:11). We are to be in com-
munity with them. But in every community, all members have
their own space and property. The important thing is that prop-
erty lines be permeable enough to allow passing and strong
enough to keep out danger.
Often, when people are abused while growing up, they
reverse the function of boundaries and keep the bad in and the
good out. When Mary was growing up she suffered abuse from
her father. She was not encouraged to develop good boundaries.
As a result, she would close herself off, holding the pain inside;
she would not open up to express her hurt and get it out of her
soul. She also would not open up to let support from the outside
in to heal her. In addition, she would continually allow others to
“dump” more pain into her soul. Consequently, when she came
in for help, she was carrying a lot of pain, still being abused, and
“walled off” from support from the outside.
She had to reverse the ways her boundaries worked. She
needed fences that were strong enough to keep the bad out and
gates in those fences to let out the bad already in her soul and
let in the good she desperately needed.
God and Boundaries
The concept of boundaries comes from the very nature of
God. God defines himself as a distinct, separate being, and he is
responsible for himself. He defines and takes responsibility for
his personality by telling us what he thinks, feels, plans, allows,
will not allow, likes, and dislikes.
He also defines himself as separate from his creation and
from us. He differentiates himself from others. He tells us who
Boundaries