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- The truth: bringing reality to a problem
- Distance: allowing time or physical space between two people to
protect or as a consequence for irresponsible behavior - Other people: using supportive friends to help keep a limit
Sometimes you will use these boundaries to simply let your date
know your heart: “I am sensitive and wanted you to know that, so that
we can be aware that I might get hurt easily.” At other times, you may
need to use boundaries to confront a problem and protect yourself or
the relationship: “I will not go as far as you want sexually, and if you
continue pushing, I will not see you again.” Either way, boundaries
give you freedom and choices.
What’s Inside Your Boundaries
Remember that boundaries are a fence protecting your property.
In dating, your property is your own soul. Boundaries surround the
life God has given you to maintain and mature, so that you can
become the person he created you to be. Here are some of the con-
tents of your self that boundaries define and protect.
- Your love: your deepest capacity to connect and trust
- Your emotions: your need to own your feelings and not be
controlled by someone else’s feelings - Your values: your need to have your life reflect what you care
about most deeply - Your behaviors: your control over how you act in your dating
relationship - Your attitudes: your stances and opinions about yourself and
your date
You and only you are responsible for what is inside your bound-
aries. If someone else is controlling your love, emotions, or values,
they are not the problem. Your inability to set limits on their control
is the problem. Boundaries are the key to keeping your very soul safe,
protected, and growing.
You will find many, many examples and situations in this book
about how to apply boundary principles in your dating life. Just
Boundaries in Dating