39and Eve. We need to own our attitudes and convictions because
they fall within our property line. We are the ones who feel their
effect, and the only ones who can change them.
The tough thing about attitudes is that we learn them very
early in life. They play a big part in the map of who we are and
how we operate. People who have never questioned their atti-
tudes and beliefs can fall prey to the dynamic that Jesus referred
to when he described people holding on to the “traditions of
men,” instead of the commands of God (Mark 7:8; Matt. 15:3).
People with boundary problems usually have distorted atti-
tudes about responsibility. They feel that to hold people respon-
sible for their feelings, choices, and behaviors is mean. However,
Proverbs repeatedly says that setting limits and accepting
responsibility will save lives (Prov. 13:18, 24).
Behaviors
Behaviors have consequences. As Paul says, “A man reaps
what he sows” (Gal. 6:7–8). If we study, we will reap good
grades. If we go to work, we will get a paycheck. If we exercise,
we will be in better health. If we act lovingly toward others, we
will have closer relationships. On the negative side, if we sow
idleness, irresponsibility, or out-of-control behavior, we can
expect to reap poverty, failure, and the effects of loose living.
These are natural consequences of our behavior.
The problem comes when someone interrupts the law of
sowing and reaping in another’s life. A person’s drinking or
abuse should have consequences for the drinker or the abuser.
“Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path” (Prov. 15:10).
To rescue people from the natural consequences of their behav-
ior is to render them powerless.
This happens a lot with parents and children. Parents often
yell and nag, instead of allowing their children to reap the nat-
ural consequences of their behavior. Parenting with love and
limits, with warmth and consequences, produces confident chil-
dren who have a sense of control over their lives.
What Does a Boundary Look Like?