69that old sinful nature is rearing its ugly head in my little girl,” the
parents will remark while their friends nod sagely. “We’re try-
ing to help her share and love others, but she’s caught up in that
selfishness we all have.”
This is neither accurate nor biblical. The child’s newfound
fondness for “mine” does have roots in our innate self-cen-
teredness—part of the sinful depravity in all of us that wants to,
as did Satan, “make myself like the Most High” (Isa. 14:14).
However, this simplistic understanding of our character doesn’t
take into consideration the full picture of what being in the
image of God truly is.
Being created in God’s image also means having ownership,
or stewardship. As Adam and Eve were given dominion over the
earth to subdue and rule it, we are also given stewardship over
our time, energy, talents, values, feelings, behavior, money, and
all the other things mentioned in chapter 2. Without a “mine,”
we have no sense of responsibility to develop, nurture, and pro-
tect these resources. Without a “mine,” we have no self to give
to God and his kingdom.
Children desperately need to know that mine, my, and me
aren’t swear words. With correct biblical parenting, they’ll learn
sacrifice and develop a giving, loving heart, but not until they
have a personality that has been loved enough to give love away:
“We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
No: The One-Word Boundary. Toddlers going through rap-
prochement frequently use one of the most important words in
the human language: the word no. While it can emerge during
hatching, no is perfected during rapprochement. It’s the first
verbal boundary children learn.
The word no helps children separate from what they don’t like.
It gives them the power to make choices. It protects them. Learn-
ing to deal with a child’s no is crucial to that child’s development.
One couple who didn’t attend to their child’s refusal to eat certain
foods found out later that she was allergic to one of them!
Often, children at this age become “no” addicts. They’ll not
only refuse vegetables and nap time, but also turn away from
How Boundaries Are Developed