home one morning, reading the
newspaper with the doors flung open
and the stereo blasting, when all of a
sudden a bird came tearing into my
living room. He was flapping around
like a maniac, flying into lamps and
plants, spreading leaves, feathers, poop,
and panic all over the place.
In an attempt to escape, he kept
slamming himself into the window while
I feebly chased him around with a flip-
flop, trying to guide him back toward the
open door. It was awful to watch—the
poor guy was all panting and wild-eyed,
his little birdy heart no doubt about to
explode with fear while he threw
himself over and over again into the