You Are a Badass

(Tuis.) #1

hanging, but also because I was annoyed
with him. I already find mattress
shopping to be totally bizarre and
embarrassing—lying on your side with a
pillow between your thighs for all to see
like it’s anyone’s business—but the fact
that I had to do it with my salesman lying
next to me, begging for a high-fiver, was
more than I could handle.


I couldn’t help but notice that all the
other salesmen simply stood at the end
of the bed, rattling off mattress facts
while their clients tested out a myriad of
positions, but not mine. He’d lower
down next to me on his back, arms
crossed over his chest, and thoughtfully
chat away, staring at the ceiling like we

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