You Are a Badass

the base of a small hill just big enough to
crawl through. My friend tossed me a
pair of knee pads and a flashlight and
headed in. I followed her on my hands
and knees, holding my flashlight with my
teeth, and by the time we were about ten
minutes in, I felt like the entrance, and
my chances of ever seeing another
burger again, had vanished. If anything
came at us from inside the cave, like,
say, a monster, or if there was a flash
flood or an earthquake or a rattlesnake
or a mosquito, we were totally screwed.
The craggy white rock tunnel
surrounding us had closed in so tightly
that when my friend finally stopped
crawling and leaned against the wall to