T

February    8th

DID THAT    MAKE    YOU FEEL    BETTER?

“You    cry,    I’m suffering   severe  pain!   Are you then    relieved    from    feeling it, if  you bear    it  in  an

unmanly way?”

—SENECA,    MORAL   LETTERS,    78.17

he next time someone gets upset near you—crying, yelling, breaking something, being pointed or
cruel—watch how quickly this statement will stop them cold: “I hope this is making you feel better.”
Because, of course, it isn’t. Only in the bubble of extreme emotion can we justify any of that kind of
behavior—and when called to account for it, we usually feel sheepish or embarrassed.
It’s worth applying that standard to yourself. The next time you find yourself in the middle of a
freakout, or moaning and groaning with flulike symptoms, or crying tears of regret, just ask: Is this
actually making me feel better? Is this actually relieving any of the symptoms I wish were gone?