Tell less and ask more.
Your advice is not as good
As you think it is.But seventeen syllables or not, this is easier said than done.
We’ve all got a deeply ingrained habit of slipping into the advice-
giver/expert/answer-it/solve-it/fix-it mode. That’s no surprise,
of course. When you take the premium that your organization
places on answers and certainty, then blend in the increased sense
of overwhelm and uncertainty and anxiety that many of us feel as
our jobs and lives become more complex, and then realize that our
brains are wired to have a strong preference for clarity and
certainty, it’s no wonder that we like to give advice. Even if it’s the
wrong advice—and it often is—giving it feels more comfortable
than the ambiguity of asking a question.
In our training programs, we call this urge the Advice Monster.
You have the best of intentions to stay curious and ask a few good
questions. But in the moment, just as you are moving to that better
way of working, the Advice Monster leaps out of the darkness and
hijacks the conversation. Before you realize what’s happening,
your mind is turned towards finding The Answer and you’re
leaping in to offer ideas, suggestions and recommended ways
forward.
There’s a place for giving advice, of course. This book isn’t
suggesting that you never give anyone an answer ever again. But
it’s an overused and often ineffective response.
An intriguing (albeit difficult) exercise is to watch yourself and