3 .Tofeelonlyyourfearsmaymakeyouevenmorefearful.
4 .Tofeelsorry,withoutmovingthroughit,mayjustmakeyoufeelguiltyandashamedandmayevenbe
harmfultoyourself_esteem.
5 .Tryingtofeellovingallthetimewillforceyoutosuppressallyournegativeemotions,andafterafew
years,youwillbecomenumbandunfeeling.
LoveLettersworkbecausetheyguideyouinwwwwrrrriiiittttiiiinnnnggggoooouuuutttttttthhhheeeeccccoooommmmpppplllleeeetttteeeettttrrrruuuutttthhhhaaaabbbboooouuuuttttaaaallllllllyyyyoooouuuurrrrffffeeeeeeeelllliiiinnnnggggssss....
Tohealourinnerpain,wemustfeeleachofthefourprimaryaspectsofemotionalpain.Theyareanger,
sadness,fear,andregret.
Why Love Letters Work
BY expressingeach ofthefourlevelsofemotionalpain, ourpainis released. Whitingonly oneortwo
negativefeelingsdoesnotworkaswell.Thisisbecausemanyofournegativeemotionalreactionsarenot
realfeelingsbutdefensemechanismsweunconsciouslyusetoavoidourtruefeelings.
Forexample:
1 .Peoplewhogetangryeasilygenerallyaretryingtohidefromtheirhurt,sadness,fear,orregret.When
theyfeeltheirmorevulnerablefeelings,theangergoesawayandtheybecomemoreloving.
2 .Peoplewhocryeasilygenerallyhaveahardtimegettingangry,butwhentheyarehelpedtoexpress
angertheyfeelmuchbetterandmoreloving.
3 .Peoplewhoarefearfulgenerallyneedtofeelandexpresstheiranger;thefearthengoesaway.
4 .Peoplewhooftenfeelsorryandguiltygenerally needtofeelandexpresstheirhurtandangerbefore
theycanfeeltheself-lovetheydeserve.
- People whoalwaysfeelloving butwonder why they are depressed ornumbgenerallyneed to ask
themselvesthisquestion:IfIwereangryandupsetaboutsomething,whatwoulditbe?"andwriteout
theanswers.Thiswillhelpthemgetintouchwiththefeelingshiddenbehindthedepressionandnumbness.
LoveLetterscanbeusedinthisfashion.
How Feelings Can Hide Other Feelings
Followingaresomeexamplesofhowmenandwomenusetheirnegativeemotionstoavoidorsuppress
theirtruepain.Keepinmindthatthisprocessisautomatic.Weareoftennotawarethatitishappening.
Considerforamomentthesequestions:
- Doyoueversmilewhenyouarereallyangry?