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Ifyouarenotgettingthesupportyouwantinyourrelationshipsasignificantreasonmaybethatyoudo
notaskenoughoryoumayaskinawaythatdoesn'twork.Askingforloveandsupportisessentialtothe
successofanyrelationship.IfyouwanttoGETthenyouhavetoASK.

Both menand womenhavedifficulty askingforsupport. Women, however, tendtofind itmuchmore
frustratinganddisappointingtoask forsupportthanmendo. Forthisreason, Iwillbeaddressingthis
chaptertowomen.Ofcourse,menwilldeepentheirunderstandingofwomeniftheytooreadthischapter.

WHYWOMENDON'TASK............................................................................................................

Womenmakethemistakeofthinkingtheydon'thavetoaskforsupport.Becausetheyintuitivelyfeetthe
needsofothersandgivewhatevertheycan,theymistakenlyexpectmentodothesame.Whenawoman
isinlove,sheinstinctivelyoffersherlove.Withgreatdelightandenthusiasm,shelooksforwaystooffer
hersupport.Themoreshelovessomeone,themoremotivatedsheistoofferherlove.BackonVenus,
everyoneautomaticallygivessupport,sotherewasnoreasontoaskforit.Infact,notneedingtoaskis
oneofthewaystheyshowtheirloveforoneanother.OnVenustheirmottois"Loveisneverhavingto
ask!"

Becausethisisherreferencepoint,sheassumesthatifherpartnerlovesher,hewillofferhissupportand
shewon'thavetoask.Shemayevenpurposefullynotask asatesttoseeifhereallylovesher.Topass
thetest,sherequiresthatheanticipateherneedsandofferhisunsolicitedsupport!

This approach torelationships withmen doesn't work.Men are from Mars, and on MarsIfyou want
supportyousimplyhavetoaskforit.Menarenotinstinctivelymotivatedtooffertheirsupport;theyneed
tobeasked.Thiscanbeveryconfusingbecauseifyouaskamanforsupportinthewrongwayhegets
turnedoff,andifyoudon'taskatallyou'llgetlittleornone.

Inthebeginningofarelationship,ifawomandoesn'tgetthesupportshewants,shethenassumesthathe
isnotgivingbecausehehasnothingmoretogive.Shepatientlyandlovinglycontinuestogive,assuming
thatsoonerorlaterhe'llcatch up. Heassumes, however,heisgiving enough, becauseshecontinues
givingtohim.

Hedoesn'trealizesheisexpectinghimtogiveback. Hethinksthatifsheneededorwantedmoreshe
wouldstopgiving.ButsincesheisfromVenus,shenotonlywantsmorebutalsoexpectshimtoofferhis