requestlikethisbefore.Hewillprobablymakesomeexcuselike"Iamrightinthemiddleofwatchingthe
news.Can'tyoudoit?"
Shemayfeellikesaying"SureIcoulddoit.ButIamalwaysdoingeverythingaroundhere.Idon'tlike
beingyourservant.Iwantsomehelp!"
Whenyouaskandsenseyouwillgetarejection,prepareyourselfforthenoandhaveareadyanswerlike
"OK."IfyouwanttobereallyMartianinyourresponse,youcouldsay"noproblem"--thatwouldbemusic
tohisears.Asimple"OK"isfine,however.
ItisimportanttoaskandthenactasifitisperfectlyOKforhimtosayno.Remember,you'remakingit
safeforhimtorefuse.UsethisapproachonlyforsituationsthatarereallyOKifhesaysno.Picksituations
whereyouwouldappreciatehissupportbutrarelyaskforit.Makesureyouwillfeelcomfortableifhesays
no.
ThesearesomeexamplesofwhatImean:
WhentoaskWhattoMen
Heisworkingonsomethingandyouwanthimto
pickupthekids. Normally you wouldn't
botherhim,andsoyoudoityourself.
You say "Would you pick up Julie, she just
called?"Ifhesaysno,thengraciouslyandsimply
say"OK."He normally comes home and expects you to
makedinner.Youwanthimtomakedinner,but
youneverask.Yousenseheresistscooking.
Yousay "Wouldyouhelpmecutthepotatoes?"
or"Wouldyoumakedinnertonight?" Ifhesays
no,thengraciouslyandsimplysay"OK."He normally watches TVafter dinner whileyou
washthedishes.Youwanthimtowashthem,or
atleasthelp,butyouneverask.Yousense he
hates doingdishes. Maybe youdon'tminditas
muchashedoes,soyougoaheadanddoit.
You say "Would you help me with the dishes
tonight?"or"Wouldyoubringintheplates?"or
waitforaneasynightandsay"Wouldyoudothe
dishestonight?"Ifhesaysnothengraciouslyand
simplysay"OK."Hewantstogotoamovieandyouwanttogo
dancing.Normallyyousensehisdesiretoseethe
movieandyoudon'tbotheraskingtogodancing.
Yousay "Wouldyoutakemedancingtonight?I
love to dance with you." If he says no, then
graciouslyandsimplysay"OK."You arebothtiredandready togotobed. The
trash is collected the next morning. You sense
howtiredheis,soyoudon'taskhimtobringthe
trashout.