wasfiveyearsold.Sheaskedmetoliftherupanddotricks,andIsaid,"No,Ican'ttoday.Iamrealtired."
Shepersisted,askingplayfully,"Please,Daddy,please,Daddy,justoneflip."
Thefriendsaid,"Now,Lauren,yourfatheristired.Hehasworkedhardtoday.Youshouldn'task."
Laurenimmediatelyrespondedbysaying,"Iamjustasking!"
"Butyouknowyourfatherlovesyou,"myfriendsaid."Hecan'tsaynotoyou."
(Thetruthis,ifhecan'tsayno,that'shisproblem,nothers.)
Immediatelymywifeandallthreedaughterssaid,"Ohyeshecan!"
Iwasproudofmyfamily.Ithastakenalotofwork,butgraduallywehavelearnedtoaskforsupportand
alsotoacceptno.
STEP 3 :PRACTICEASSERTIVEASKING........................................................................................
Onceyouhavepracticedstep 2 andyoucangraciouslyacceptano,youarereadyforstep 3 .Inthisstep
youassertyourfullpowertogetwhatyouwant.Youaskforhissupport,andifhestartsmakingexcuses
andresistsyourrequest,youdon'tsay"OK"asinstep 2 .InsteadyoupracticemakingitOKthatheresists
butcontinuewaitingforhimtosayyes.
Let'ssayheisonhiswaytobed,andyouaskhim."Wouldyoureplywith"Imadeyoudinner,Iwashed
thedishes,Igotthekidsreadyforbed,andallyoudidwasplantyourselfonthiscouch!Idon'taskfor
much,butatleastyoucouldhelpnow.Iamsoexhausted.IfeellikeIdoeverythingaroundhere."
Theargumentstarts.Ontheotherhand,ifyouknowthatgrumblesarejustgrumblesandareoftenhis
wayofstartingtosayyes,yourresponsewillbesilence.Yoursilenceisasignalthatyoutrustthatheis
stretchinginsideandabouttosayyes.
Stretchingisanotherwaytounderstandaman'sresistancetoyourrequests.Wheneveryouaskformore,
hehastostretchhimself.Ifheisnotinshape,hecan'tdoit.Thatiswhyyouhavetoprepareamanfor
step 3 bymovingthroughsteps 1 and 2.
Inaddition,youknowthatitismoredifficulttostretchinthemorning.Laterinthedayyoucanstretch
muchfartherandeasier.Whenamangrumbles,justimaginethatheisstretchinginthemorning.Oncehe
hasfinishedstretchinghewillfeelgreat.Helustneedstogrumblefirst.
Programming a Man to Say Yes
IfirstbecameconsciousofthisprocesswhenmywifeaskedmetobuysomemilkatthestorewhenIwas
on my way to bed. I remember grumbling out loud. Instead of arguing with me, she just listened,