Tosummarizethetwomostcommonmistakeswemakeinrelationships:
I. Aman tries to change awoman'sfeelingswhen sheis upsetby becomingMr. Fix_It and offering
solutionstoherproblemsthatinvalidateherfeelings.
- A woman tries to change a man's behavior when he makes mistakes by becoming the
home_improvementscommitteeandofferingunsolicitedadviceorcriticism.
INDEFENSEOFMR.FIX-ITANDTHEHOME-IMPROVEMENTCOMMITTEE........................................
InpointingoutthesetwomajormistakesIdonotmeanthateverythingiswrongwithMr.Fix_Itorthe
home_improvementcommittee.TheseareverypositiveMartianandVenusianattributes.Themistakesare
onlyintimingandapproach.
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Menneedtorememberthatwhenwomenseemupsetandtalkaboutproblemsisnotthetimetooffer
solutions;insteadsheneedstobeheard,andgraduallyshewillfeelbetteronherown.Shedoesnotneed
tobefixed.
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Womenneedtorememberthatunsolicitedadviceorcriticism-especiallyifhehasmadeamistake-make
himfeelunlovedandcontrolled.Heneedsheracceptancemorethanheradvice,'Inordertolearnfromhis
mistakes.Whenamanfeelsthatawomanisnottryingtoimprovehim,heismuchmorelikelytoaskfor
herfeedbackandadvice.
Understanding these differences makes it easier to respect our partner's sensitivities and be more
supportive.Inadditionwerecognizethatwhenourpartnerresistsusitisprobablybecausewehavemade
amistakeinourtimingorapproach.Let'sexplorethisingreaterdetail.
WHENAWOMANRESISTSAMAN'SSOLUTIONS............................................................................
Whenawomanresistsaman'ssolutionshefeelshiscompetenceisbeingquestioned.Asaresulthefeels
mistrusted,unappreciated,andstopscaring.Hiswillingnesstolistenunderstandablylessens.
By rememberingthatwomenarefrom Venus, amanatsuchtimes can insteadunderstandwhysheis
resistinghim.Hecanreflectanddiscoverhowhewasprobablyofferingsolutionsatatimewhenshewas
needingempathyandnurturing.
Herearesomebriefexamplesofwaysamanmightmistakenlyinvalidatefeelingsandperceptionsoroffer
unwantedsolutions.Seeifyoucanrecognizewhyshewouldresist: