sheistalkingaboutherproblemsorothers'problems,talkingisanaturalandhealthyVenusianreactionto
stress.
How Men React When Women Need to Talk
Whenwomentalkaboutproblems,menusuallyresist.Amanassumessheistalkingwithhimabouther
problemsbecausesheisholdinghimresponsible.Themoreproblems,themorehefeelsblamed.Hedoes
notrealizethatsheistalkingtofeelbetter.Amandoesn'tknowthatshewillappreciateitifhejustlistens.
Martianstalkaboutproblemsforonlytworeasons:theyareblamingsomeoneortheyareseekingadvice.
Ifawomanisreallyupsetamanassumessheisblaminghim.Ifsheseemslessupset,thenheassumes
sheisaskingforadvice.
Ifheassumessheisaskingforadvice,thenheputsonhisMrFix_Ithattosolveherproblems.Ifhe
assumessheisblaminghim,thenhedrawshisswordtoprotecthimselffromattack.Inbothcases,he
soonfindsitdifficulttolisten.
Ifheofferssolutionstoherproblems,shejustcontinuestalkingaboutmoreproblems.Afterofferingtwo
orthreesolutions, heexpectsher to feelbetter. ThisisbecauseMartiansthemselves feelbetterwith
solutions,aslongastheyhaveaskedforasolutiontobeoffered.Whenshedoesn'tfeelbetter,hefeelshis
solutionshavebeenrejected,andhefeelsunappreciated.
Ontheotherhand,ifhefeelsattacked,thenhebeginstodefendhimself.Hethinksifheexplainshimself
thatshewillstopblaminghim.Themorehedefendshimself,however,themoreupsetshebecomes.He
doesn'trealizethatexplanationsarenotwhatsheneeds.Sheneedshimtounderstandherfeelingsandlet
hermoveontotalkaboutmoreproblems.Ifheiswiseandlustlistens,thenafewmomentsaftersheis
complainingabouthim,shewillchangethesubjectandtalkaboutotherproblemsaswell.
Menalsobecomeparticularlyfrustratedwhenawomantalksaboutproblemsthathecandonothingabout.
Forexample,whenawomanisstressedshecouldcomplain:
- "I'mnotgettingpaidenoughatwork."
- "MYAuntLouiseisgettingsickerandsicker,eachyearshegetssicker."
- "Ourhousejustisn'tbigenough."
- "Thisissuchadryseason.Whenisitgoingtorain?”
- "Wearealmostoverdrawninourbankaccount."
Awomanmightmakeanyoftheabovecommentsasawayofexpressingherworries,disappointments,
andfrustrations.Shemayknowthatnothingmorecanbedonetosolvetheseproblems,buttofindrelief