The Martians realizedthateven whenthey feltthey werebeing attacked, blamed, orcriticized by the
Venusiansitwasonlytemporary;soontheVenusianswouldsuddenlyfeelbetterandbeveryappreciative
andaccepting. Bylearningtolisten, theMartiansdiscoveredhowmuch theVenusiansreallythrivedon
talkingaboutproblems.
EachMartianfoundpeaceofmindwhenhefinallyunderstoodthataVenusian'sneedtotalkabouther
problemswasnotbecausehewasfailingherinsomeway.InadditionhelearnedthatonceaVenusian
feelsheardshestopsdwellingonherproblemsandbecomesverypositive.Withthisawareness,aMartian
wasabletolistenwithoutfeelingresponsibleforsolvingallherproblems.
Manymenandevenwomenareveryjudgmentaloftheneedtotalkaboutproblemsbecausetheyhave
neverexperiencedhowhealingitcanbe.Theyhavenotseenhowawomanwhofeelsheardsuddenlycan
change,feelbetter,andsustainapositiveattitude.Generallytheyhaveseenhowawoman(probablytheir
mother)whodidnotfeelheardcontinuedtodwellonherproblems.Thishappenstowomenwhentheydo
notfeellovedorheardoveranextendedperiod oftime.Therealproblem,however,isthatshefeels
unloved,notthatsheistalkingaboutproblems.
AftertheMartianslearnedhowtolistentheymadeamostamazingdiscovery.Theybegantorealizethat
listeningtoaVenusiantalkaboutproblemscouldactuallyhelpthemcomeoutoftheircavesinthesame
wayaswatchingthenewsonTVorreadinganewspaper.
Similarly,asmenlearntolistenwithoutfeelingblamedorresponsible,listeningbecomesmucheasier.Asa
mangetsgoodatlistening,herealizesthatlisteningcanbeanexcellentwaytoforgettheproblemsofhis
dayaswellasbringalotoffulfillmenttohispartner.Butondayswhenheisreallystressedhemayneed
tobeinhiscaveandslowlycomeoutbysomeotherdistraction,likethenewsoracompetitivesport.
WWWWhhhhaaaatttttttthhhheeeeVVVVeeeennnnuuuussssiiiiaaaannnnssssLLLLeeeeaaaarrrrnnnneeeedddd
TheVenusiansalsofoundpeaceofmindwhentheyfinallyunderstoodthataMartiangoingintohiscave
wasnotasignthathedidn'tloveherasmuch.Theylearnedtobemoreacceptingofhimatthesetimes
becausehewasexperiencingalotofstress.
TheVenusianswerenotoffendedwhenMartianswereeasily distracted.When aVenusiantalkedanda
Martianbecamedistracted,shewouldverypolitelystoptalking,standthere,andwaitforhimtonotice.
Thenshewouldbegintalkingagain.Sheunderstoodthatsometimesitwashardforhimtogivehisfull
attention.TheVenusiansdiscoveredthatbyaskingfortheMartians'attentioninarelaxedandaccepting
mannertheMartianswerehappytoredirecttheirattention.
WhentheMartians werecompletely preoccupiedandin theircaves, the Venusians alsodidnottakeit
personally.Theylearnedthatthiswasnotthetimetohaveintimateconversationsbutatimetotalkabout
problems with their friends or have fun and go shopping. When the Martians thereby feltloved and