and the pros and cons of the choice, but they couldn’t actually make a choice. The
simplest decisions like “what do I want to eat?” were paralyzing.
What Damasio discovered is paramount for you to understand. Every time we
have a decision to make, we subconsciously tally all the pros and cons of our
choices and then make a gut call, based on how we feel. This happens in a nanosecond.
That’s why none of us catches it.
For example, when you ask yourself the question, “What do I want to eat?” you
are actually asking yourself, “What do I feel like eating?” Similarly, I wasn’t asking,
“Should I get up?” Subconsciously, I was asking, “Do I feel like getting up?” Tom wasn’t
asking, “Do I want to walk over to her?” Subconsciously he was asking, “Do I feel like
walking over to her?” Christine was doing the same thing at work. She wasn’t asking,
“Should I share my idea?” Subconsciously, she was asking, “Do I feel like sharing my
idea?”
Huge difference. And that explains why change is hard. Logically, we know
what we should do, but our feelings about doing it make our decision for us. Your
feelings will make the decision before you even realize what happened. How you
feel in the moment is almost never aligned with your goals and your dreams. If you
only act when you feel like it, you will never get what you want.
You must learn how to separate what you feel from the actions that you take.
The #5SecondRule is a remarkable tool in this regard.
The moment you feel too tired, you’ll decide not to go for a run, but 5- 4- 3- 2- 1-
GO, and you could make yourself go for one.
If you don’t feel like attacking the to-do list on your desk, you won’t, but 5- 4- 3-
2- 1-GO, and you can force yourself to start working on it.
If you don’t feel worthy, you’ll decide not to tell him what you really think, but 5-
4- 3- 2- 1-GO, and you can make yourself say it.