66 How to Sell Yourself
your grooming. In short, as long as your audience can see you,
what they see is as important as what you say.
The combination of the neutral face and a position such as the
fig leaf has the audience thinking, “This poor person!” They real-
ize you’re not pleased to be there and that you’ve got problems,
and they’ll wish they were somewhere else.
Sending good signals
In any speaking situation, your job is to help the audience
receive the message you want them to get, but it’s not as simple as
it sounds. It means that they have to perceive you to be comfort-
able, confident, and in control, whether you’re standing behind a
lectern, sitting at a conference table, or simply in conversation.
Standing isn’t as easy as it sounds
The position a lot of people find least comfortable is standing
with their hands at their sides. Interestingly and unfortunately, this is
the most comfortable position for the audience to see. It looks natu-
ral. It sends the most friendly, open, personable signals, but most of
us find the hands naked. We don’t like to be naked, so we hide the
hands. By giving in to this impulse, we wind up in an awkward-look-
ing position. Most men go right for the fig leaf. Most women fold
their arms in front of them. Of course, some thrust their hands in
their pockets and others hide their hands behind their backs.
None of these stances look comfortable or inviting to an audi-
ence. Worse still, these positions are gesture inhibitors, meaning
we’re unable to “hug” an audience or “shake hands” via the ges-
ture. Each of the “no-no” positions sends signals that usually will
be interpreted by an audience as signs of stiffness or insecurity.
Yet, time after time, people automatically assume one of these
hand-hiding positions.
There are many examples of this. Look at photographs of
award ceremonies, company meetings, and social functions. Nearly
everyone will be in the fig-leaf or arms-folded position. Look at a
newspaper picture of the president, governor, or mayor signing a
bill or holding a press conference. All the aides and participants
will be in an uncomfortable-looking position in the background.
It almost looks posed. It’s almost comical.