72 How to Sell Yourself
Be a good listener
Listening is as important to a career as learning to speak well.
Communication isn’t complete without both. And here, too, a sure
sign of interest, caring, and attentive listening is the open face.
Some of the most universally seen listeners and reactors are
the first ladies. Almost any picture we’ve ever seen of any first
family shows the first lady listening and reacting to the president.
First ladies are almost never seen looking anywhere else when
their husbands are speaking. Sometimes we’re troubled that they
seem to look too adoringly at their husbands, but even if it looks
staged, it helps keep the audience’s focus.
Sending signals in conversation
I’ll never forget a moment when a friend met me on the street.
He was totally surprised and seemed really pleased to see me. His
face lit up. His voice sang out, “Hi, Arch. It’s great to see you
again.” It was a wonderful greeting, but in the next instant, he
remembered that he hadn’t been feeling well that morning. His
eyes narrowed, his jaw dropped, and his shoulders drooped. In a
mournful voice, he asked me, “Do I look tired to you?” He cer-
tainly did. He sent the exact signals he meant to send, but they
didn’t seem appropriate.
This is an example of how signals are just as important in one-
on-one communication as in groups.
After all, we’re usually talking to one other person, not a group.
The public or group speaking situation is quite infrequent.
Yet, much too often in one-on-one communication, one per-
son tells another, “That’s not what you said” or “I don’t remem-
ber you saying that.” In all probability, some of the signals were
wrong and it caused misunderstanding, which then caused mis-
communication.
We’re sending signals all the time
Signal-sending and -receiving touches every facet of our lives.
Consider the doctor-patient relationship. It’s called “bedside man-
ner.” Have you heard people say, “He’s too busy. He doesn’t re-
ally care. I’m just another patient to him”? He probably does care.
After all, the doctor’s job is to “care” for people. Many are simply