sign of contempt. Bill then began to talk about his objection to
the pen where the dog lives. Sue replied by closing her eyes and
then assuming a patronizing lecturing voice. Bill went on to say
that he didn’t want a fence in the living room. Sue said, “I don’t
want to argue about that,” and rolled her eyes — another
indication of contempt. “Look at that,” Tabares said. “More
contempt. We’ve barely started and we’ve seen him be
defensive for almost the whole time, and she has rolled her
eyes several times.”
At no time as the conversation continued did either of them
show any overt signs of hostility. Only subtle things popped up
for a second or two, prompting Tabares to stop the tape and
point them out. Some couples, when they fight, fight. But these
two were a lot less obvious. Bill complained that the dog cut
into their social life, since they always had to come home early
for fear of what the dog might do to their apartment. Sue
responded that that wasn’t true, arguing, “If she’s going to chew
anything, she’s going to do it in the first fifteen minutes that
we’re gone.” Bill seemed to agree with that. He nodded lightly
and said, “Yeah, I know,” and then added, “I’m not saying it’s
rational. I just don’t want to have a dog.”
Tabares pointed at the videotape. “He started out with