closely related to disgust, and what disgust and contempt are
about is completely rejecting and excluding someone from the
community. The big gender difference with negative emotions
is that women are more critical, and men are more likely to
stonewall. We find that women start talking about a problem,
the men get irritated and turn away, and the women get more
critical, and it becomes a circle. But there isn’t any gender
difference when it comes to contempt. Not at all.” Contempt is
special. If you can measure contempt, then all of a sudden you
don’t need to know every detail of the couple’s relationship.
I think that this is the way that our unconscious works.
When we leap to a decision or have a hunch, our unconscious is
doing what John Gottman does. It’s sifting through the situation
in front of us, throwing out all that is irrelevant while we zero
in on what really matters. And the truth is that our unconscious
is really good at this, to the point where thin-slicing often
delivers a better answer than more deliberate and exhaustive
ways of thinking.
4. The Secrets of the Bedroom
Imagine that you are considering me for a job. You’ve seen my