when Freedman was nowhere around, they still ignored the robot be-
cause they had been changed inside to believe that they did not want
to play with it.^17
Adults facing the child-rearing experience can take a cue from the
Freedman study. Suppose a couple wants to impress upon their
daughter that lying is wrong. A strong, clear threat (“It’s bad to lie,
honey; so if I catch you at it, I’ll cut your tongue out”) might well be
effective when the parents are present or when the girl thinks she can
be discovered. But it will not achieve the larger goal of convincing her
that she does not want to lie because she thinks it’s wrong. To do that,
a much subtler approach is required. A reason must be given that is
just strong enough to get her to be truthful most of the time but is not
so strong that she sees it as the obvious reason for her truthfulness. It’s
a tricky business, because exactly what this barely sufficient reason will
be changes from child to child. For one little girl, a simple appeal may
be enough (“It’s bad to lie, honey; so I hope you won’t do it”); for an-
other child, it may be necessary to add a somewhat stronger reason
(“...because if you do, I’ll be disappointed in you”); for a third child, a
mild form of warning may be required as well (“...and I’ll probably
have to do something I don’t want to do”). Wise parents will know
which kind of reason will work on their own children. The important
thing is to use a reason that will initially produce the desired behavior
and will, at the same time, allow a child to take personal responsibility
for that behavior. Thus, the less detectable outside pressure such a
reason contains, the better. Selecting just the right reason is not an easy
task for parents. But the effort should pay off. It is likely to mean the
difference between short-lived compliance and long-term commitment.
For a pair of reasons we have already talked about, compliance pro-
fessionals love commitments that produce inner change. First, that
change is not just specific to the situation where it first occurred; it
covers a whole range of related situations, too. Second, the effects of
the change are lasting. So, once a man has been induced to take action
that shifts his self-image to that of, let’s say, a public-spirited citizen,
he is likely to be public-spirited in a variety of other circumstances
where his compliance may also be desired, and he is likely to continue
his public-spirited behavior for as long as his new self-image holds.
There is yet another attraction in commitments that lead to inner
change—they grow their own legs. There is no need for the compliance
professional to undertake a costly and continuing effort to reinforce the
change; the pressure for consistency will take care of all that. After our
friend comes to view himself as a public-spirited citizen, he will auto-
matically begin to see things differently. He will convince himself that
74 / Influence