Present Over Perfect

so very thankful for the solid ground that seems to multiply
a couple square inches under my feet with each passing
year.
I’m an extrovert, through and through, and a deeply
loyal person. Because of those two qualities, I’ve made most
of my biggest decisions by committee, choosing to believe
that the people I love most will advise me well, and that
their wisdom will prevail. That has been immensely helpful
for so many decisions. And yet.
This last round of decisions have been made in silence
and solitude, and that’s been necessary and healing and
challenging. I’ve wanted the committee, and at the same
time, I’ve sensed that there are some seasons in which the
only way through is alone, a solitary path of listening and
learning. This is uncomfortable for me, and I’ve yearned to
gather around my people at every point, for familiarity and
safety.
There are, though, certain passages you have to walk
alone. When you arrive on the other side, the people you
love most will be there to meet you, certainly, to wrap their
arms around you and walk closely with you once again. But
it’s only when we’re truly alone that we can listen to our
lives and God’s voice speaking out from the silence.
These last months have required more silence than any
other season in my life. I’ve both craved it and avoided it, in
equal turns, and finally realized that the craving is
something to listen to, something to obey.
These days I’m pursuing regular intervals of silence and