“I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the blues unless you stick
something nasty in the next line: “I got a good woman, with the
meanest dog in town...”
Blues are simple. After you’ve got the first line, repeat it. Then find
something that sort of rhymes:
Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town,
Got a good woman with the meanest dog in town,
He gots teeth like Mick Jagger
And he weigh 500 pounds.
The blues aren’t about limitless choice.
Blues cars are Chevys and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues trans-
portation: a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Not acceptable:
BMW, hot air balloons, an R.V.
Walkin’ always plays a major part in the blues, as does fixin’ to die.
The best places to get the blues are Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas
City.
The following colors don’t belong in the blues: beige, mauve, violet,
periwinkle.
You can’t have the blues in an office or mall. The lighting is wrong.
Good places for the blues: the highway (crossroads are best), the jail
house, an empty bed.
Bad places for the blues: an ashram, gallery openings, wine tastings.
No one will believe it’s the blues if you wear a suit unless you’re an
old African-American man.
Do you have a right to sing the blues?
Yes if:
your first name is a state, like Georgia;
you’re blind;
you shot a man in Memphis;
you can’t be satisfied;
“the man” doesn’t like you.
No if:
you were once blind but now can see;
you ski in Tahoe each year
you have an IRA.
If you ask for water and yo’ baby gives you gasoline, it’s the blues.
