10 The Brothers Karamazovthought that came into my head, and I determined on the
spot to make an end of it, as Grigory Vassilyevitch, even if
he were alive, would see nothing of it, as he lay there sense-
less. The only risk was that Marfa Ignatyevna might wake
up. I felt that at the moment, but the longing to get it done
came over me, till I could scarcely breathe. I went back to
the window to the master and said, ‘She’s here, she’s come;
Agrafena Alexandrovna has come, wants to be let in.’ And
he started like a baby. ‘Where is she?’ he fairly gasped, but
couldn’t believe it. ‘She’s standing there,’ said I. ‘Open.’ He
looked out of the window at me, half believing and half dis-
trustful, but afraid to open. ‘Why, he is afraid of me now,’ I
thought. And it was funny. I bethought me to knock on the
window-frame those taps we’d agreed upon as a signal that
Grushenka had come, in his presence, before his eyes. He
didn’t seem to believe my word, but as soon as he heard the
taps, he ran at once to open the door. He opened it. I would
have gone in, but he stood in the way to prevent me pass-
ing. ‘Where is she? Where is she?’ He looked at me, all of a
tremble. ‘Well,’ thought I, ‘if he’s so frightened of me as all
that, it’s a bad lookout!’ And my legs went weak with fright
that he wouldn’t let me in or would call out, or Marfa Ig-
natyevna would run up, or something else might happen.
I don’t remember now, but I must have stood pale, facing
him. I whispered to him, ‘Why, she’s there, there, under the
window; how is it you don’t see her?’ I said. ‘Bring her then,
bring her.’ ‘She’s afraid,’ said I; ‘she was frightened at the
noise, she’s hidden in the bushes; go and call to her your-
self from the study.’ He ran to the window, put the candle