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though after we are thirty, indeed, there may be nothing
else to stand on.... But to hang on to seventy is nasty, better
only to thirty; one might retain ‘a shadow of nobility’ by de-
ceiving oneself. Have you seen Dmitri to-day?’
‘No, but I saw Smerdyakov,’ and Alyosha rapidly, though
minutely, described his meeting with Smerdyakov. Ivan be-
gan listening anxiously and questioned him.
‘But he begged me not to tell Dmitri that he had told me
about him,’ added Alyosha. Ivan frowned and pondered.
‘Are you frowning on Smerdyakov’s account?’ asked Aly-
osha.
‘Yes, on his account. Damn him, I certainly did want to
see Dmitri, but now there’s no need,’ said Ivan reluctantly.
‘But are you really going so soon, brother?’
‘What of Dmitri and father? how will it end?’ asked Alyo-
sha anxiously.
‘You are always harping upon it! What have I to do with
it? Am I my brother Dmitri’s keeper?’ Ivan snapped irri-
tably, but then he suddenly smiled bitterly. ‘Cain’s answer
about his murdered brother, wasn’t it? Perhaps that’s what
you’re thinking at this moment? Well damn it all, I can’t
stay here to be their keeper, can I? I’ve finished what I had to
do, and I am going. Do you imagine I am jealous of Dmitri,
that I’ve been trying to steal his beautiful Katerina Ivanov-
na for the last three months? Nonsense, I had business of
my own. I finished it. I am going. I finished it just now, you
were witness.’
‘At Katerina Ivanovna’s?’
‘Yes, and I’ve released myself once for all. And after all,