The Brothers Karamazov

Chapter 4

The Lost Dog

K

OLYA leaned against the fence with an air of dignity,

waiting for Alyosha to appear. Yes, he had long wanted

to meet him. He had heard a great deal about him from the

boys, but hitherto he had always maintained an appearance

of disdainful indifference when he was mentioned, and he

had even ‘criticised’ what he heard about Alyosha. But se-

cretely he had a great longing to make his acquaintance;

there was something sympathetic and attractive in all he

was told about Alyosha. So the present moment was impor-

tant: to begin with, he had to show himself at his best, to

show his independence. ‘Or he’ll think of me as thirteen

and take me for a boy, like the rest of them. And what are

these boys to him? I shall ask him when I get to know him.

It’s a pity I am so short, though. Tuzikov is younger than I

am, yet he is half a head taller. But I have a clever face. I am

not good-looking. I know I’m hideous, but I’ve a clever face.

I mustn’t talk too freely; if I fall into his arms all at once, he

may think- Tfoo! how horrible if he should think — !’

Such were the thoughts that excited Kolya while he was

doing his utmost to assume the most independent air. What