But,shesaid,asshewalkedoutoftheplaceshethought,
“ThisiswhatIhavetodo.”Awfulasitseemed,itwas
where she had to put him.
Why, I asked?
“To me, safety was paramount. That came before
anything.Ihadto thinkofhissafety,”shesaid. Keren
Wilsonwasrightaboutthewaytheprocessevolves.Out
ofloveanddevotion,Shelleyfeltshehadnochoicebut
to put him where he dreaded.
Ipressedher.Why?Hehadadjustedtowherehewas.
He’dreassembledthepiecesofalife—afriend,aroutine,
somethingshestilllikedtodo.Itwastruethathewasn’t
assafeashewouldbeinanursinghome.Hestillfeared
havingthatbigfallandnoonefindinghimbeforeitwas
toolate.Buthewashappier.Andgivenhisdruthers,he’d
choose the happier place. So why choose differently?
She didn’tknowhowto answer. Shefound ithard to
fathomanyotherway.Heneededsomeonetolookafter
him. Hewasn’t safe. Was she really supposed to just
leave him there?
So this is theway it unfolds. Inthe absence of what
people like my grandfather could count on—a vast
extendedfamilyconstantlyonhandtolethimmakehis
ownchoices—ourelderlyareleftwithacontrolledand
supervised institutional existence,a medicallydesigned
answertounfixableproblems,alifedesignedtobesafe
but empty of anything they care about.