1 •The Independent Self

Growing up, I never witnessed serious illnessor the

difficultiesofoldage.Myparents,bothdoctors,werefit
and healthy.Theywere immigrantsfromIndia,raising
meandmy sisterinthesmallcollegetownofAthens,
Ohio,somygrandparentswerefaraway.Theoneelderly
personIregularly encounteredwasawoman downthe
streetwhogavemepianolessonswhenIwasinmiddle
school.Latershegotsickandhadtomoveaway,butit
didn’toccurtometowonderwhereshewentandwhat
happenedtoher.Theexperienceofamodernoldagewas
entirely outside my perception.

Incollege,however, Ibegandatinga girlinmy dorm
namedKathleen,andin1985,onaChristmasvisittoher
home in Alexandria, Virginia, I met her grandmother
AliceHobson,whowasseventy-sevenatthetime.She
struckmeasspiritedandindependentminded.Shenever
tried to disguise her age. Her undyed white hairwas
brushed straight and parted on one side, Bette
Davis-style.Herhandswerespeckledwithagespots,and
herskinwascrinkled. Sheworesimple,neatlypressed
blousesanddresses,abitoflipstick,andheelslongpast
when others would have considered it advisable.

AsIcametolearnovertheyears—forIwouldeventually
marryKathleen—AlicegrewupinaruralPennsylvania
town known for its flower and mushroom farms. Her
father was a flower farmer, growing carnations,
marigolds,anddahlias,inacresofgreenhouses.Aliceand
her siblings were the first members of their family to
attendcollege.AttheUniversityofDelaware,Alicemet