Shesaidshedidn’tlikeallthecontraptionsstickingout
ofher.Thetubeswereuncomfortablewheretheypoked
outofherbelly.“Ididn’tknowthattherewouldbethis
constantpressure,”shesaid.Butthefirsttimeshefound
thatjustopeningatubecouldtakeawayhernausea,“I
looked at the tube and said, ‘Thank you for being there.’”
She was taking just Tylenol for pain. She didn’t like
narcoticsbecausetheymadeherdrowsyandweak,and
that interfered with seeing people. “I’ve probably
confusedthehospicepeoplebecauseIsaidatsomepoint,
‘Idon’t wantany discomfort.Bringiton’”—by which
she meant the narcotics. “But I’m not there yet.”
Mostly,wetalkedaboutmemoriesfromherlife,andthey
weregoodones.ShewasatpeacewithGod,shesaid.I
leftfeelingthat,atleastthisonce,we’dlearnedtodoit
right.Douglass’sstorywasnotendingthewaysheever
envisioned,butitwasnonethelessendingwithherbeing
able to make the choices that meant the most to her.
Twoweeks later,her daughter,Susan,sent meanote.
“Mom died on Friday morning. She drifted quietly to
sleepandtookherlastbreath.Itwasverypeaceful.My
dadwasalonebyhersidewiththerestofusintheliving
room.Thiswassuchaperfectendingandinkeepingwith
the relationship they shared.”
I AM LEERY of suggesting the idea that endings are
controllable.Nooneeverreallyhascontrol.Physicsand
biologyand accidentultimately havetheir way in our
lives.But thepointis that we arenot helpless either.
Courageisthestrengthto recognizebothrealities.We
haveroom toact, toshape ourstories, thoughas time