4 •Assistance

You’dthinkpeoplewould haverebelled.You’dthink

wewouldhaveburnedthenursinghomestotheground.
Wehaven’t,though, becausewefind ithardtobelieve
that anything better is possible for when we are so
weakened and frail that managing without help is no
longer feasible. We haven’t had the imagination for it.

In the main, the family has remained the primary
alternative.Yourchancesofavoidingthenursinghome
aredirectlyrelatedtothenumberofchildrenyouhave,
and, according to what little research has been done,
havingatleastone daughterseemstobe crucialtothe
amount of help you will receive. But our greater
longevityhascoincidedwiththeincreaseddependenceof
familiesondualincomes,withresultsthatarepainfuland
unhappy for all involved.

LouSanderswaseighty-eightyearsoldwhenheandhis
daughter, Shelley, were confronted with a difficult
decision about the future. Up to that point he had
managed well. He’d never demanded much from life
beyond a few modest pleasures and the company of
familyandfriends.ThesonofRussian-speakingJewish
immigrantsfromUkraine,he’dgrownupinDorchester,a
working-classneighborhoodinBoston.InWorldWarII,
heservedintheairforceintheSouthPacific,andafter
returning he married and settled in Lawrence, an
industrial townoutsideBoston.Heand hiswife, Ruth,
hadasonandadaughter,andhewentintotheappliance
businesswithabrother-in-law.Louwasabletobuythe
familyathree-bedroomhouseinaniceneighborhoodand