find new accounts, and he’d asked me to manage the business while he
was gone. He taught me how to use his computer to keep the books,
process orders, maintain inventory. It was from Randy that I first
heard of the Internet. He showed me how to get online, how to visit a
webpage, how to write an email. The day he left, he gave me a
cellphone so he could reach me at all hours.
Tyler called one night just as I was getting home from work. He
asked if I was studying for the ACT. “I can’t take the test,” I said. “I
don’t know any math.”
“You’ve got money,” Tyler said. “Buy books and learn it.”
I said nothing. College was irrelevant to me. I knew how my life
would play out: when I was eighteen or nineteen, I would get married.
Dad would give me a corner of the farm, and my husband would put a
house on it. Mother would teach me about herbs, and also about
midwifery, which she’d gone back to now the migraines were less
frequent. When I had children, Mother would deliver them, and one
day, I supposed, I would be the Midwife. I didn’t see where college fit
in.
Tyler seemed to read my thoughts. “You know Sister Sears?” he said.
Sister Sears was the church choir director. “How do you think she
knows how to lead a choir?”
I’d always admired Sister Sears, and been jealous of her knowledge
of music. I’d never thought about how she’d learned it.
“She studied,” Tyler said. “Did you know you can get a degree in
music? If you had one, you could give lessons, you could direct the
church choir. Even Dad won’t argue with that, not much anyway.”
Mother had recently purchased a trial version of AOL. I’d only ever
used the Internet at Randy’s, for work, but after Tyler hung up I turned
on our computer and waited for the modem to dial. Tyler had said
something about BYU’s webpage. It only took a few minutes to find it.
Then the screen was full of pictures—of neat brick buildings the color
of sunstone surrounded by emerald trees, of beautiful people walking
and laughing, with books tucked under their arms and backpacks slung
over their shoulders. It looked like something from a movie. A happy
movie.
The next day, I drove forty miles to the nearest bookstore and
bought a glossy ACT study guide. I sat on my bed and turned to the