his lungs had never fully developed. Had his tiny lungs collapsed, his
breathing stopped?
The story came out haltingly, between erratic sobs and the clattering
of teeth. From what I could tell, when Emily had gone to Stokes that
afternoon to buy groceries, she had returned home with the wrong
crackers for Peter. Shawn had exploded. “How can he grow if you can’t
buy the right food!” he had screamed, then he’d gathered her up and
flung her from their trailer, into a snowbank. She’d pounded on the
door, begging to be let in, then she’d run up the hillside to the house. I
stared at her bare feet as she said this. They were so red, they looked as
if they’d been burned.
My parents sat with Emily on the sofa, one on each side of her,
patting her shoulders and squeezing her hands. Richard paced a few
feet behind them. He seemed frustrated, anxious, as if he wanted to
explode into action and was only just being held in check.
Kami was still seated at the piano. She was staring at the group
huddled on the couch, confused. She had not understood Emily. She
did not understand why Richard was pacing, or why he paused every
few seconds to glance at Dad, waiting for a word or gesture—any signal
of what should be done.
I looked at Kami and felt a tightening in my chest. I resented her for
witnessing this. I imagined myself in Emily’s place, which was easy to
do—I couldn’t stop myself from doing it—and in a moment I was in a
parking lot, laughing my high-pitched cackle, trying to convince the
world that my wrist wasn’t breaking. Before I knew what I was doing I
had crossed the room. I grasped my brother’s arm and pulled him with
me to the piano. Emily was still sobbing, and I used her sobs to muffle
my whispers. I told Kami that what we were witnessing was private,
and that Emily would be embarrassed by it tomorrow. For Emily’s
sake, I said, we should all go to our rooms and leave it in Dad’s hands.
Kami stood. She had decided to trust me. Richard hesitated, giving
Dad a long look, then he followed her from the room.
I walked with them down the hallway then I doubled back. I sat at
the kitchen table and watched the clock. Five minutes passed, then ten.
Come on, Shawn, I chanted under my breath. Come now.
I’d convinced myself that if Shawn appeared in the next few minutes,
it would be to make sure Emily had made it to the house—that she