If you bring it you might use it, that’s how things are. A fistfight can
turn into a gunfight real quick.”
Shawn spoke calmly, thoughtfully. His blond hair was filthy and
uncut, growing wild, and his face was covered in stubble the color of
shale. His eyes shone from under the oil and dirt, blazes of blue in
clouds of ash. His expression, as well as his words, seemed to belong to
a much older man, a man whose hot blood had cooled, who was at
peace.
Shawn turned to me. I had been avoiding him, but suddenly that
seemed unfair. He had changed; it was cruel to pretend he hadn’t. He
asked if I’d like to go for a drive, and I said I would. Shawn wanted ice
cream so we got milkshakes. The conversation was calm, comfortable,
like it had been years before on those dusky evenings in the corral. He
told me about running the crew without Dad, about Peter’s frail lungs
—about the surgeries and the oxygen tubes he still wore at night.
We were nearly home, only a mile from Buck’s Peak, when Shawn
cranked the wheel and the car skidded on the ice. He accelerated
through the spin, the tires caught, and the car leapt onto a side road.
“Where we going?” I asked, but the road only went one place.
The church was dark, the parking lot deserted.
Shawn circled the lot, then parked near the main entrance. He
switched off the ignition and the headlights faded. I could barely make
out the curve of his face in the dark.
“You talk much to Audrey?” he said.
“Not really,” I said.
He seemed to relax, then he said, “Audrey is a lying piece of shit.”
I looked away, fixing my eyes on the church spire, visible against the
light from the stars.
“I’d put a bullet in her head,” Shawn said, and I felt his body shift
toward me. “But I don’t want to waste a good bullet on a worthless
bitch.”
It was crucial that I not look at him. As long as I kept my eyes on the
spire, I almost believed he couldn’t touch me. Almost. Because even
while I clung to this belief, I waited to feel his hands on my neck. I
knew I would feel them, and soon, but I didn’t dare do anything that