Coaching, Mentoring and Managing: A Coach Guidebook

Coach’s Role in Affirming Associates

Affirming is a key coaching behavior. It impacts trust and

trusting makes the affirmations more believable. Consider what

draws you to another person: having your flaws and weaknesses

pointed out or having your self-esteem enhanced? Affirming

makes people listen to you and makes them want to listen to you.

There was an old leadership trick called the sandwich

technique in which managers were taught to sandwich the

criticism, or negative, between two positives.

“You handle that customer well. You were a little rushed with

her; next time slow down your explanation. You really are an

asset for us when it comes to handling irate people. Nice job.”

There are conflicting thoughts on this technique. For many, the

affirmations to soften the criticism appear contrived. Others feel

that people open up to critiques or suggestions when they know

you see their worth. Think about the times your employees

interrupted you with, “Wait, you don’t understand, I tried ... .”

When trust is established and/or you have affirmed good

behaviors, people can hear your coaching suggestions for

improvement.

Like rewarding employees, affirming or complimenting them

on effort and attitude is an excellent motivator for continued

performance. It energizes. No team member works well for long

without a compliment. Susette Elgin discussed the art of verbal

self-defense in her book of that title. She taught that to cause

behavior, you recognized or affirmed it; to sustain behavior, you

irregularly acknowledged it; and to cease a behavior, you ignored

it. The attitude of some managers, “If you don’t hear from me, just

assume everything is fine,” equates to ignoring and will not get

desired results. Mark Twain said, “One good compliment can

sustain me for a year.” It’s the same with your employees; go

beyond “sustain” and encourage them to greatness.

Being comfortable with affirming others’ behavior is tied to

attitude on your part. Coaches with negative or poor attitudes tend

to have trouble affirming others. It’s often said that you can’t give

what you don’t have inside you.

A hard concept for many coaches to realize is exactly what

they must impart to their people: You choose your attitude. Fact:

Coaching, Mentoring and Managing

3

No team member

works well for

long without a

compliment.