5
Time the Confrontation Well
If the problem is a recurring one, try to confront the person as
soon as possible after the problem behavior has occurred.
However, if the behavior has made you angry or upset, delay
confrontation. Initiate confrontation only when you have control
of your emotions.
Mean What You Say
Don’t say anything you’re not prepared to back up. If you
resolve to say only what you can enforce, you’ll probably show
little or no anger in your voice or expression. Anyone who has
ever heard a parent lose control understands that anger creates
unrealistic demands and makes claims it cannot stand behind.
Example
“Jimmy, I want you home faster than you can say ‘jack
rabbit’!”
(How realistic is that, parent?) This is the same as giving
your associate an unrealistic deadline.
“John, if you don’t stop talking, you’ll never attend
another meeting.”
Is this really going to deal with John’s problem — or is it your
problem? Be clear in communicating the issue as well as what you
want.
Be Human
Don’t carry unnecessary baggage into the confrontation about
how you must look or act as a counselor. Be yourself. That may
mean your mouth doesn’t feel like it’s working right, or your left
eye twitches, or your voice cracks. You’re not there to look perfect
but to help your team and struggling team member. And when the
session is over ... even when the tone or the outcome was not
especially great ... let the team member know you still value him
as a person.
The Counselor Role: Confrontation and CorrectionBe cool and you’ll
be in control.