(which he was, more and more) I became the little lady they could
take advantage of. I made demands; they made jokes. I pushed my
agenda; they pushed my buttons. It was not an enjoyable time in my
life to say the least.
By the time they were full-fledged teens I was more or less a ner-
vous wreck. All this time I was a Christian, but during these years
my prayers were far from faith-filled. I had begun to fret and pout.
“God,” I would pray as I paced and worried, “you have got tohelp
me. You have got tohelp this child. You have got todo this and you
have got todo that.” (“In the name of Jesus,” I would add testily.)
I was nagging God with full-fledged fear and panic. I couldn’t rest
until everyone was in the house at night, so I was getting very little
sleep.
It was not until I began attending a twelve-step program that I
learned there is a name for people with behavior like mine: codepen-
dent.A codependent person is one who desperately tries to control
everything and everyone in her life. As she becomes obsessed with
clutching the problems of others, she loses her ability to help herself.
During that time I was also introduced to a wonderful slogan: “Let
go and let God.” In short, this means trust God.As I gradually began
to open my hands and release my loved ones into the strong, loving
care of my heavenly Father, he was able to take his rightful place in
all of our lives and bring his solutions into our family.
Dear Father, I thank you that I can trust you and rest in you. I place
my needs and concerns and my loved ones in your hands. And for
this one day, I choose to leave them there. Amen.50 CLAIRECLONINGER