for a woman by doing little things like opening the car door,
it is just as important for a woman to pay attention to the little
things he does and respond in a way that reveals her good
feelings for him.
After the workshop, they both changed their attitudes. Linda
said, “I could never understand why he would want me to
acknowledge the little things he did. I didn’t understand, so I
thought he was just being too demanding. Now that I under-
stand my appreciating the things he does is the best way I can
show him my affection, then I am happy to do it. It has made
our relationship so much more fun and light.”
When Gary Took Lisa Out for DinnerIn the beginning, Gary brought Lisa to a nice restaurant and
she was particularly appreciative. She was happy to be there
and enjoyed the food a lot. Gary was particularly impressed
by how responsive she was. After several dates, she was not
so appreciative. The thrill of going to restaurants was over.
She stopped being responsive and instead started being rather
negative. Instead of looking at what was good she responded
to what was missing.
After a while Gary wasn’t inclined to pick restaurants any-
more. Instead of suggesting where to go, he just asked her
where she would like to go. He felt, If she’s going to be so
picky, then I’ll just let her pick the restaurant. After a while,
they lost their feelings of attraction. At the seminar, they be-
came inspired again to express their affection for each other.
When he would suggest a restaurant, Lisa was very careful
to share in a responsive manner her most positive feelings. It
was not that she was faking it. She had always had the capacity
to bring up her positive feelings, but once Gary
86 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.