a partner is not so giving or receptive, they can easily trust that
it is just a temporary setback and that they have the power to
create a positive experience again.
This is not a time to evaluate your partner at all. Instead, it
is a time to evaluate how you are doing and what you can do
to be your best self and bring out your partner’s best. To this
end, men make romantic gestures and women focus on being
receptive and responsive. If the outcome is that they are in-
spired to be their best, then they are ready to experience the
real and lasting love that can grow only in the fourth stage,
intimacy.
THE WISDOM OF WAITING
The wisdom of waiting to be intimate is that a man’s desire
has a chance to grow into the higher levels of expression. When
a man takes time to move through the first three stages of
dating, his physical desire expands into the emotional desire
to please the woman. His desire to please her in turn develops
into a genuine interest in who she is. This interest in who she
is then has a chance to turn into love. When his physical desire
is also the expression of his love for a woman, then this is the
best time to experience increasing degrees of intimacy.
Having an exclusive relationship provides the foundation
for lasting intimacy. A woman creates intimacy by honestly
sharing more of who she is, and a man experiences increased
intimacy by successfully supporting and nurturing more of
who she is. As she discloses herself more, he can gradually get
to know her. If he continues to be supportive as he gets to know
her better, then the love he feels in his heart has a chance to
grow.
STAGE THREE: EXCLUSIVITY / 89