be like a rubber band and a woman to be like a wave is intens-
ified. If they take time, her waves will not be so extreme and
his rubber band will not be so long. They will have their ups
and downs, but they will be more manageable.
WHY WAITING IS SO IMPORTANT
Through fully experiencing stage three, men and women are
able to move through all the four doors to intimacy. For many
men, it comes as a surprise when they experience that mental
and emotional intimacy can be as fulfilling as physical intimacy.
When a man eventually tastes the fulfillment of experiencing
complete physical intimacy with someone with whom he also
shares emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy, he cannot go
back.
Just to have sex when he could make love is like eating junk
food when he could have a Thanksgiving feast. Why settle for
less? It may take more time and energy, but it is real and last-
ing. By taking the time to move through all the five stages, a
man ensures that when he does give all of himself it will yield
the greatest return.
SWITCHING ROLES
As a man succeeds in being there for a woman, she will feel
it’s safe to become more vulnerable. This very process of a
man’s being there for a woman not only helps the woman but
also helps a man open up to his feelings. By learning to respect
and understand her feelings, he becomes more in touch with
his own. Naturally, he will want to share more with her. Once
she has gotten what she needs to open up and share herself,
it is fine for a man to switch roles temporarily and allow a
woman to be there for him.
106 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.