problem with this is that when a woman is like a rubber band
she may not spring back automatically like a man. When a
man is like a crashing wave, it makes a woman feel overly
protective of his needs and she tends to forget her own. He
also runs the risk of becoming too soft and sensitive. To avoid
this, couples need to find the right balance for them. Too much
switching of roles can kill romance. In the right measure it is
wonderful.
A man can go to his partner to share his intimate and private
thoughts, feelings, needs, wishes, and wants, but he must be
careful to do this only when she has gotten her needs satisfied
first. He must also be careful not to be overly sensitive. If he
tends to get more upset about things than she does, it can
prevent her from getting in touch with her true sensitive feel-
ings. This then can prevent them from experiencing the deep
intimacy that can be felt only when the woman opens up and
the man enters in to support her.
A man needs to be careful not to be too needy of a woman’s
time, energy, and nurturing support. It is way too easy for her
to be accommodating and then, later on, resent the fact that
she feels she is not getting the support she deserves. She may
feel the need to pull away, but she doesn’t happily spring back.
Instead she feels pulled back by obligation. This can prevent
a couple from moving on to the fifth stage of dating: engage-
ment.
MOVING ON TO THE FIFTH STAGE OF DATING
By getting to know each other more intimately, when the time
is right, we can easily recognize whether our partner is to be
our soul mate. So many times people ask, “How do you
know?” The answer is: Move through the first four stages and
you will know. At a certain point, you will know whether this
person is for you. At this point, you are ready to move on to
the fifth stage of dating.
108 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.