The sad truth here is that the more he likes her, the more he
will avoid getting involved because he might eventually hurt
her. Yet if her reaction to him is also uncertainty, he does not
have to worry about eventually hurting her if he were eventu-
ally to become exclusive and then break up. This freedom as-
sists him in finding the confidence necessary to explore a rela-
tionship in the next stage, exclusivity.
The sad truth is that the more a man likes a
woman, the more he will avoid getting involved
because he might eventually hurt her.Let’s look at a more extreme example. If a woman is desper-
ately in love with a man or hopelessly dependent on him, the
man is obviously going to think something like this: She seems
so sure that I am the one for her. Well, I don’t know. If I get
involved more, I could be leading her on by feeding her hopes.
She would really be devastated. I like her too much to do that
to her. I don’t think this is the right relationship for me. I’m
not ready for this.
On the other hand, if a woman seems open at first to a man’s
advances and then later seems a little unsure about moving
on to stage three, she becomes more attractive to him. If he is
the one convincing her, he will not have to feel so bad if the
relationship doesn’t turn out well.
When he doesn’t have to worry about how
difficult it will be to get out of a relationship, a
man is much more inclined to get involved.When a woman seems unsure and the man feels he is con-
vincing her, then he can relax, knowing that if things don’t
MAKING IT THROUGH THE FIVE STAGES / 135