he runs the risk of turning her off. Quite often a man will be
so persistent that he will smother a woman in promises. Al-
though he is tempting and she feels flattered, she tends to
mistrust him. She cannot be assured that he loves her because
she knows he doesn’t really know her. She knows he hasn’t
seen her on a bad hair day.
A woman needs to trust that she can get what she needs in
a relationship. She is not easily impressed by a man’s strong
feelings. On Venus they tend instinctively to know that feelings
are always changing. She needs assurance that his feelings will
not change as they really get to know each other. Taking the
time to react and behave appropriately for each stage of the
relationship will ensure that a man can nurture in a woman
the trust she needs to feel before moving to the next stage. Let’s
explore a few examples.
IF SHE IS IN STAGE FOUR (INTIMACY) and he behaves as if he is
in stage five (engagement), then she might become turned off
and think, He is acting as if we were married and I haven’t
even agreed. I don’t feel that he will be supportive of my needs
if I marry him. He doesn’t even consider my feelings. In this
case, his acting as if they are engaged can turn her off and
prevent her feeling that she can fully surrender herself to this
relationship. Before a woman responds with a yes to his pro-
posal, she needs to feel that her feelings will be respected.
IF SHE IS IN STAGE THREE (EXCLUSIVITY) and he behaves as if
they are in stage four (intimacy) or stage five (engagement),
then her reaction may be, He wants too much from me; I’m
not ready to share this much. I’m starting to feel obligated to
do more. I don’t know if I can give him everything he
MAKING IT THROUGH THE FIVE STAGES / 137